I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
