Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize