I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
