just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
