I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
