I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize