He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
