I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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