did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
