We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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