we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize