guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
