I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
