You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
