I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
