True but thats because hes a fetus.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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