I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize