he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
