1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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