When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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