And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
