And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
BRING THE BAGELS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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