Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
