i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
