Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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