Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
