Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
