3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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