he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
