your thong is hanging out like whoa
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
