Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
