All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
