Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
