I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
