i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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