i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
