i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
