I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
