we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
