I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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