remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
