would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
