Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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