So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
