is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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