Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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