I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
