i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
