I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
