Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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