We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
