um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
