Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
