this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
