I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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