Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The air taste purple.
Randomize
