Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
