everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
