I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
