So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize