Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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