that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My hand turned me down
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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