why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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