I want to make a zoo with you.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
