you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
