Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
